him again.
and not the boy with the air of a unicorn and a diamond tattoo
it is him with a way with words
but no one to talk to
I talk to you.
Months ago I swore never to speak your name let alone seek your face but as of late
you’re all I’ve had to occupy my thoughts
you’re all I’ve had to taste.
Quenching my thirst for something special that’ll make me feel less alone
In the back seat of your mamma’s car we lost control of ourselves in each other
I didn’t realise how much I missed you
until you kissed my cheek
until I laughed from the crown of my head to the toe top full.
Now I see how easy it is for people to fall in love with the sex
how each lock of the eyes matched with a lock of the lips and then the legs helps us fall blindly into an abyss of misplaced affection
how did I convince myself that getting close to you would bring me closer to establishing who I really am when I know for a fact that I was most me without you
Then I realised
that’s how loneliness works
We fall into familiar people and things and places and habits only to fall back into patterns that were the cause of our initial demise.

Sometimes it hurts to be intimate with you.
In an attempt to compensate for the first time at the rodeo,
I wish things were different.
Sometimes I chase the oblivion in hopes of avoiding the red flags wave,
Triggers go off and the snipers hit their mark.
I thought I was finally free.