“I was raped. I was RAPED! And when he did it, he left with a piece of me. It wasn’t just my body that he harmed, but he raped my mind . . . my soul! The trauma of rape is like a consuming fire spreading rapidly across every inch of my existence. I am enclosed by it. I can no longer see past my own thoughts or beyond my fears. I used to think rape was a once off occurrence, but it’s an on-going process that slowly shuts you down, day by day. It’s like suffocating in an invisible, indestructible bubble of humiliation and despair. Of what value is physical health if your person ceases to exist? I may have survived the moment this on-going process of rape begun but did I really survive rape?”

Lerato Makgoba had just written her last matric exam. It was an English Home language paper 2 and she was positive that she would do well. She had put in so much effort in her exams and was now ready to celebrate. As with any other Friday, she would be with her boyfriend, Siya but that night she wanted to party harder than she ever had. Lerato didn’t usually party – she comes from a good Christian home with a very strict mother, so she never really bothered with parties. Siya had been more exposed to the party life as he was already in varsity. But he was studying a very demanding course, LLB Law, at Wits so there was hardly any time to party and he made sure to see Lerato every Friday without fail, and other friends over the weekend. They were both from Pretoria and started dating in Siya’s matric year, when Lerato was still in grade 10 and have been inseparable since.

That night, Lerato wanted to go to a big “Pen’s down” party in Hatfield. She had been telling her mom all month about it and was sure she wouldn’t have a problem with it. Especially since she would be with Siya – they loved him and considered him to be like their son. When she got home from her exam, she found her dad in his big brown leather chair, watching a soccer game. He hadn’t seen or heard her come in so was in shock when she hugged his neck.

“Heh banna?! Rato? What’s going on, my girl?”
“Hey daddy! I’ve missed you! How was your business trip?”
“Rato, since when do you ask me how my trips are? What do you want this time?”
“Just some money for the place I’m going to tonight. Please Daddy!”
“And does your mom know about this place?”
“Yes, Mama knows!”

“I know what exactly?”

Lerato hadn’t expected her mom to be back as early as she was usually out doing grocery shopping or something like that at the Mall. Her mom was a stay-at home mom and since Lerato was now older and the only child, she spent most of her days at the mall or seeing her best friend, Aunt Josephine. Lerato reminded her mom about the “small gathering” she told her about. Her mom was quite reluctant and reminded Lerato, as usual, that she’s a Christian girl and she should be going to Youth Service to celebrate. She eventually said she could go, as long as Siya brings her back by midnight. Thirty minutes later, Siya came knocking whilst she was getting ready. And as usual, her dad picked up conversation with him.

“Siya, my boy! Nice to see you! I haven’t seen you around in a while. School keeping you busy?”
“Yes, Mr Makgoba. It’s been quite hectic. But I’ve been pushing. I think the exam results will go well.”
“Glad to hear that, son. Now listen, please look after my little girl tonight. I know you can never disappoint but just stay safe, neh?”
“Uhm… yes definitely Mr Makgoba.”

“I’m ready, Yaya! Let’s go!”

It was 23:56 when Lerato and Siya were stopped by a police car. They had been rushing to make it in time for Lerato’s curfew and there hadn’t been any traffic cops on the road so they were shocked when they were stopped by the police. Siya did not normally drive that fast but he really didn’t want to disappoint Mr Makgoba by bringing Lerato back home past her curfew. He had restricted himself to one drink the whole night so he wasn’t drunk at all, let alone tipsy.

“Evening, sir.”
“What are you kids doing out so late? Have you been drinking?”
“I’ve only had one drink, sir. We were out with friends. Are we in trouble?”
“Hey, mfan! I’m the one who asks the questions here! What’s your name?”
“Siyabonga Mhlongo, sir.”
“And you, little girl? You look so familiar. What’s your surname?”

Lerato was so scared that she hadn’t known the man was speaking to her until he repeated himself.

“Hey, wena! Kere what’s your surname?”
“M…Makgoba, sir.”
“Makgoba? You’re John’s daughter! He and I go way back. You look just like your mother.”

Lerato thought this meant that she might be let off easy but she also knew that this might mean her parents will know she was stopped by the police. The policeman, who his partner referred to him as ‘Bra Shadrack’, ordered Siya to go to their station so his details can be taken down. Shadrack stayed with Lerato, in the car. She was scared.

“Lerato, it seems your boyfriend here has landed himself in deep trouble.”
“Sir, he really did not have much to drink. I was with him the whole evening. He is sober!”

He laughed a disgusting smoker’s laugh. “I’m not really here to talk about your boyfriend’s drinking. That’s his problem. You see, I come across bitches like you all the time. Out here at night with your short little dresses . . . acting like innocent little flowers. . .”
He said this as he looked Lerato up and down. Lerato felt uncomfortable but didn’t want to upset the policeman.

“What?! Uhm, sir. . . ”
“But you are really just teasing, aren’t you? Yes, that’s what you are doing. You see that weak little boyfriend of yours; I bet you haven’t given him some yet, because you want to tease him first. You girls like those games, don’t you?”

Bra Shadrack came closer to Lerato and locked the door so she wouldn’t go out. She knew something bad would happen if she didn’t.

“But I’m a grown man, Lerato. I don’t like playing games. I don’t like being teased, either. I know exactly what little whores like you want. I know what it is that your little sissy boy can’t give you. . .”
“No, no, no, no, please don’t!”

Bra Shadrack already had his belt buckle loose. He forcefully put his hand up her skirt. Lerato tried so hard to push him off her but he was stronger. She could feel his rough cheeks on her face, and could smell the alcohol and cigarette as he breathed heavily on her neck when he harshly put his manhood in her. She tried her best to shut it out but the pain she was feeling couldn’t be ignored.

After what felt like hours, he released himself out of her and put his pants back on. He laughed proudly at what he had accomplished.

“My job here is done. And Lerato, don’t you dare think you can go around talking about this. Your father knows very well there’s nothing he can do to me. He owes me.”

A few minutes later, Siya came back. He was a bit shaken up about being stopped and was worried that Mr Makgoba wouldn’t be happy with him bringing his daughter almost an hour after her curfew. Lerato was quiet the whole trip back. Siya sensed that something was very wrong. When he asked if the man touched her, she looked away – hiding the tears. Siya was angry. He wanted to turn right back and beat that man to a pulp but Lerato argued that she just wanted to go home.

It took Lerato hours to fall asleep. Everything that happened that night was replaying over and over in her head. She could still feel the physical pain from the whole episode. She couldn’t get his last words out of her mind, “Your father knows very well there’s nothing he can do to me. He owes me.” He owes him? Owes him what? What was worth going through that? Lerato found it hard to believe that the man who was supposed to protect her, could be the reason for all her pain. Nothing was making sense. She wished none of it happened! Why did she go to that party anyway? Why didn’t she put on her jeans and not the skirt? Why did she tell him who she is? Why was it even important to begin with? Why didn’t Siya insist on her coming with to the station? She hated Bra Shadrack. She hated her father. She even hated Siya. But, mostly, she hated herself.

Click here to read part II