The sky is not blue today. But it isn’t grey either. There is a dreamlike tint about it. Almost as if I’m looking at it through an Instagram filter. But this is real. None of it feels like it. I’ve been speaking to colleagues all morning. All of the conversations seemed fine. They seem fine. I think it’s me that’s a little off. Just me. Me and the blue-grey-dreamlike Instagram filter sky. No one else. Nothing else.

I am not afraid today.

I’m starting to consider whether or not I’m still drunk from last night. But I can’t be. I didn’t have all that much to drink. I did start my day off unusually early though. Even then, it didn’t seem all the way real. Sitting in the car on my way to work with my brother and his girlfriend, the time and kilometers seemed to move in space without me.

I’m trying to focus on all of my senses right now. Just to help ground me in the moment. I can overhear a conversation about a brief that came in and wasn’t properly assigned. It’s a small issue. There’s also the matter of a document with the wrong specs in relation to the print outs we need. None of it involves me. I don’t mind that today. I don’t really want to work right now.

The pen in my hand. The chair beneath me. The desk I’m resting my arms on. The pages beneath my fingers keeping the notebook steady. Touch. I can’t really smell anything. The last thing I remember smelling is the cologne on one of the speakers from a seminar I attended yesterday. In the evening. Before I got drunk. Oh, and the gin. I definitely remember the gin.

My ankles feel cold. Fuck. They’re wet. The women I sit between spilt some water behind me. It splashed over the tail of my sneakers. More touch.

Claude came to my desk asking what my lunch plans are. He’s doing a kota run for everyone in our department. I’m imagining the taste of egg in my mouth right now. My tongue feels a bit dry. I should get myself some water. It’s raining outside. The sky is decidedly grey now. I’m still not sure what I am. But I guess its just me now.

What else is new?

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