To read the first installment in the Thoughts at 3 a.m series please click here

Lord knows I’ve tried
I just can’t seem to forget you, You’re my favourite stranger
who left me with this lonely air
gasping for breath through the walls you decided to break
one brick at a time.

I still think about you, Every now & again.
You cross my mind & I allow you to stroll in my thoughts.
You even show up in my dreams,
Proving to my subconscious that you never really left.
You reign, uncontested as the queen of my night.
Conquering every concentrated attempt to forget you.

I don’t remember what it feels like not to miss you
Every now and again I pray that, my thoughts don’t consist of you.
That camera lenses don’t remind me of the pictures we forgot to take.
That tranquil waters won’t remind me of the promises we forgot to make.
That highs can’t filter out the shared laughter that we forgot to fake.

I guess every once in a while, my thoughts rerun like the love scenes of an old RomCom
Where everyone was on our side
Scenes of memory, with sweet music playing in the background
A playlist consisting of our every first, and lonely last.
I replay scenes of how I wanted to be your last first kiss
scenes of moments, mere moments that turned into potential eternities
cliché the onset, visions of slow embrace.
Scenes of when then was now, and tomorrow was forever
Sequeled by wishes, that then, could be now again.

I hate how it doesn’t take much to get lost in all that you are
That after all you did, you still make me want to smile.
It’s hard not to like you for a while

I hate leaving the spare key where I know you’d find it, in case you ever come back
I hate that most nights I sleep with the lights on, because you are afraid of the dark
And how I sleep on the right side of the bed, with my left arm stretched out to where you used to lay, ready to wrap around you if you crawl back into these sheets

I always want to follow you, because you found the pathway to my heart, you call it maudlin but you loved me like you’d been running heats.
Until you forgot that your heart had settled it’s beat in my chest.

Every now and again
My mind runs away to you,
With the thought that you wanna be found, getting lost in the trace of your dissipated shadow.

Only then do I forget,
that you’re the one it wanders to
Only then
do I spare one less thought of you.
I forget,
that I’m dependant of you
I forget,
that I’m in love with you
I forget to remember you, just for a day.

Oh how I wish that every day, I could forget you love me too, but “not in that way”

Every now and Again
I remember to forget you.